Query Letter Hell

Query Letter Hell

Every writer has a story... one filled with ear-splitting screams and crushing moments of unmitigated gore. The query letter, it strikes fear into the hearts of hundreds of millions. It can make the most confident and talented writers shake in their booties.

Throughout days, weeks, months and years of searching... I've come to learn one thing about query letters (yeah I've only learned one thing). They are 100% subjective.

Yeah, there are some guidelines that work. There are hundreds of DON'T and DO's... but the thing is, not every query letter is going to be perfect for every agent/publisher.

COMPARISONS

In a class I'm currently taking about how to write a query letter, the agent teacher mentioned she wanted to see comparisons to other novels in the genre in a query letter. But she doesn't want to see WELL KNOWN books compared, she wants to see lesser known ones.

So I did some searching to find out what suggestions have been made about best case scenario comparisons. I've read widely in regards to genres, but even I know we don't mention Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Twilight, TMI, etc in a query, not unless you don't want an agent. But then, what kind of book is okay to use as a compassion? We definitely don't want to list low sellers right? But we don't want the best sellers either. Something in between. So do we need to research every book's sale figures that we want to compare our book to? Yeah, I have no idea. I'm asking you!

PLACEMENT

So another one of the things mentioned in my class was placement. Where do you put all these fabulous pieces of information? Where do you put the bio? Where does the hook go? Yet again.. it's subjective. This particular instructor wants it at the top of the page along with word count/genre. She wants to know what genre it is, word count and comparable titles so she can decide if she's interested. She'll skip the hook completely if it's up front and skim the query for this information if it's not the first paragraph. But on MANY other query letter instructional sites I'd seen most say to get RIGHT down to the hook and push everything else to the bottom. If we didn't hook the agent into reading out query in the first 10 words we'd lost them forever... yeah... It's a good thing none of us are depressed starving artists huh? So what's the answer? It's subjective. Yeah... isn't that a kick in the face? heh...

BIO

So what if the writer has absolutely no credential? What if they're a dreamer who decided to write a book just to write one and they've never been published? Sure,  they have a million and one poems, short stories and essays under their belts, but they never got published cause they never cared before. Writing was for them and no one else. Their stories were for their classes and never went beyond that? What does the writer do? Do they leave it out and hope the hook and query speak to how fabulous they are? Do they put in fluff? Do they admit upfront that they are a first timer? ... Yeah., you guessed it... it's SUBJECTIVE. According to the instructor in my current class, (and she's an agent) she prefers there is a bio whether the writer has publishing credentials or not. She wants to know if this is the writer's first novel and why they wrote it. She wants to know how long they've been writing. What inspired the book seems important to her too. But haven't we all read on a million other sites that you NEVER mention it's your first book. You NEVER mention you're working on a sequel. You leave the bio out unless you're incredible. But does that fool anyone? Probably not...

PERSONALIZATION

Well, having participated in pitchwars I'd say personalization is important. Mentors have been commenting that they really enjoyed it and that it got them more enthused to read the query and pages. Also... BEWARE... from what I've read in tweets, blogs, etc... "I queried you because you said you were interested in YA" is not personalization.  They want stuff like, "Your kitty, Muffinfacesmushymittens, is an adorable example of a Persian/Siamese/Manx/short-hair/alley cat. I have a kitty too, I've named her after your kitty." or "I love the new furniture you got. The view from your living room window is incredible.. PS you might want to wash your sheets..." They want to feel special. That makes me think that agents are probably the same way. We need to all but stalk them to find out special little details about them to explain why they want US. Ways to do this? Research the titles they represent. Read some pages of them, or preferably the whole book to get an idea what kind of voice they like. Find out the stories they like. If your book fits, query away... it's subjective...

HOOK

Yeah... Most suggestions I've read have said to have one. But then again I've also read of agents who feel they are too gimmicky and that they want to be hooked by the story and not the first line. So what does the writer do? Have one? Not? Yeah... same thing as all the others.. Research! Find out what the person you're querying likes.

What's all this mean?!?!?

Stalk the people you're going to submit to, be they agent, publisher or mentor. Make sure you personalize your query in more than one way. Make sure you arrange your query how they like it, include only what they like, add the bio if they like that thing regardless of whether you have credentials or not... overall.. You can have the most awesome query, but if it doesn't fit the agent/mentor/etc's taste, you're screwed. I'm really beginning to think this whole endeavor might be 110% luck... hehe.. so GET OUT THERE AND STALK!!! (I mean figuratively... If you go beyond online stalking to find out what query style they like, you're probably too involved. Step away..)